WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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