make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
