Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
