I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize