dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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