Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
