You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
