when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
