I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize