Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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