In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
