Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
