I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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