im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
