She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
