I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
