I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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