she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
