My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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