Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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