Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
