we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
