can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
