Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
