I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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