my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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