i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize