My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
