so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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