i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can I color on your dick again?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
