I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
