What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
