I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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