i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
