Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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