I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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