I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize