Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
