U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize