dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
