Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
