Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
