remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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