i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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