I think scott just propositioned me for sex
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
