and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
