I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
