**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
