I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
