I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
