By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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