false alarm. still invincible.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
