Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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