Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
