i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
