but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
