You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
