I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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