none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
