Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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