i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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